I’m failing at both my parenting and my job, and everything is impossible. I, like many people, have intermittent periods of encountering the following problem: I have too much on my plate. Sometimes the problem has less to do with the situation we’re in, and more to do with how we’re thinking and feeling about it. Of course, many problems aren’t so easily solvable, which is why we have a few other options. If the problem is a bit more intractable, you might try a research-backed, problem-solving approach that goes by the acronym ABCDE: Acknowledge the problem (figure out exactly what is happening), Brainstorm solutions (name everything you can think of), Choose one solution, Do it, and then Evaluate how it went (and go back to Brainstorming if needed). You take a minute to define the problem (kid is hungry mom is sleep-deprived) and then you solve it. If you are exhausted and sleep-deprived, and you have the option to head upstairs for a good, old-fashioned snooze, you do it. If your child is hungry, and you have snacks, you fix the problem by feeding them snacks. It forces us to articulate both: (1) what is the actual problem, and (2) what’s the simplest possible solution. If you already knew how to solve the problem, wouldn’t you have done it already? We wouldn’t be in this whole four ways to solve a problem mess if we could just fix it, right? But sometimes we need to be reminded of this option. There’s value in taking a moment to pause, carefully put down the bubbles and cheddar bunnies, and actively decide what to do. It’s called 4 Ways to Solve a Problem, and it seems simple-maybe too simple-but that’s kind of the point. I know! Honestly, so unfair.Īmidst my newfound parenting problems, I’ve found myself often falling back on an evidence-based approach I learned as a therapist training in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Or, you and your partner disagree on how to handle your child’s behavior.Īnd here’s the crazy part of all those parenting problems: you need to try to solve them. Or, you’re feeling overwhelmed and lacking the support you need as a new parent. Or, I want to host friends for the weekend, but I also want my child not to scream in their faces. Often they’re small, like: my toddler is melting down. Here’s a thing no one told me about parenting: you end up running into a surprising number of problems.
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